where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize