i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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