oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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