I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
