We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think i got beer on your cat.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
