my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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