There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
