she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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