I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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