Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
