I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
