think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I want to have your abortion
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
