Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
