i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
