There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
3pm strippers are depressing
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
