Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So. Much. Porn.
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