he wants to bone in the snuggie
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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