You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
