He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
