i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize