He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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