dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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