Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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