After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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