I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
