this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
