A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize