there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
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I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
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It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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