At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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