i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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