Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You took a bar mat shot.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
