i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
