I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize