69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
