Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
