is your mom at the bar?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
