Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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