Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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