omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you had me at cake vodka
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
