I hate your face
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
