She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
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It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
jump out the window naked night went bad
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