I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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