dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
