I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
