Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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