I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize