if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
