i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
