is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
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apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize