If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Less talking, more tequila
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
