you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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