its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
