After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
