I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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