I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
