Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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