Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing