omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.