He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
