The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
