I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
