The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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